Under cover of darkness, veiled in the shadow and mystery of night, a dream came at once to me of a place, a person and a thing. The place I knew did not exist, and the person was a stranger wearing my skin, so I had all but dismissed them. The thing, however, intrigued me. There was an allure to it; a freedom. Imagine, a possession that could give you the freedom you so desire. Many think they are free, but truthfully they are imprisoned most of all. Many small freedoms can be given up without much notice before you will feel a great loss, and so, many will give these away. But imagine a thing that would take them all back, in but a blink of times eye. How far would you chase this thing to retrieve those lost freedoms? Would you become someone else to retrieve who you once were? Would you pursue a place that you were certain did not exist? Do you believe you could reach your destination and not lose your sanity and identity along the way? I am a rational man, but I feel that to get where I am going I must be irrational.
January 10, 2013 | Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: a dream awake, dream, dreaming, dreams, freedom, identity, life after social media, lifeaftersocialmedia, mystery, shadow, tarot, the man, the spire, the thing, the tower, walrus | Leave a comment
Like currency, all power circulates. It changes hands and it fluctuates in value. We seem to have this strange notion that with simplicity comes an ease of living, when in truth, true power gives us the ability to make everything simple. We can create anything we can imagine, and for the dreamers, there is no limit to where we can take ourselves. The stagnant, stale and office clad crowd with their cramped skulls and empty souls may struggle to find usefulness, but for those of us who never stopped dreaming, the world will stretch into infinity. We can change everything and make you forget that life was ever any different. A teacher may be required. A willingness to leave everything behind, if only for a while, will be necessary. Our brains were made to operate this way, most have simply forgotten this to be the truth. Make the technicolor bridge of water and span the length of the universe. Change the light; bend it as you see fit. Create.
Some nights I find it hard to sleep. I lay awake listening to the silence, interrupted ever so often by the pops and creaks of an old house. I lie in the dark, my eyes adjusted, trying to make out familiar shapes amidst the greys and blacks. I feel the stillness of the air against my skin, and the warmth of an occupied bed. All the while, listening to the silence. I feel as though those late night, or early morning hours, depending on how you look at it, carry a certain power with them. So often is it that we find ourselves surrounded by sounds, lights, colors, feelings, temperatures, and so on, that we forget what it’s like to be surrounded by nothing at all. To my mind, it’s at these times that our brain starts to function differently. We think differently. We feel different….maybe we really are different. Maybe it’s at those times that we become someone else. Not so different to be unrecognizable, but different enough that if we could see in the dark and gaze into a mirror that we may not recognize ourselves. Strange then, that at such a moment of oddness we could see with such clarity. I find myself looking within when the external world is clouded from me. I find my thoughts to be more grandiose, more unique; and stranger. Maybe it’s not the sleep that brings our dreams, but the absence of everything. Maybe it is at those strange and special hours that our mind can dream, whether we are fast asleep or awake in bed. I would like to think that there is some kind of magic hidden just out of our sight, that only works on us at those special times. For a few hours, we are given the chance to be as human as possible. The night was made for us, and in the night we may find our true calling.
January 16, 2012 | Categories: The Balance | Tags: absence, clarity, different, dreams, hours, human after all, late night, lifeaftersocialmedia, magic, night, oddness, strange, the hours, walrus | Leave a comment
I once felt an impossible breathe upon my neck, hailing from a corner I had never before touched. I knew it was not real but I let myself get lost in it, if only for a moment. Later on, walking down a cold and empty street, I felt a shiver immediately followed by a warm comfort. I was convinced it had followed me. For a while there I actually thought it was real. I got lost in it, and felt that I could finally accept that the dream was real. Like most dreams, eventually you wake up and the world is cold and lonely. No breathe upon your neck, no comfort on the cold and empty street; only a fading memory of a place you once were. The way everything felt and the way everything needed to be (and was). When the abyss stares back, be sure it’s looking at you and not what it wants you to be.
I always seem to forget the feeling, as it’s rarely ever there. Like a constant nagging telling you that you will die if you don’t know everything. You worry, you fret and you find yourself getting upset over nothing at all. You either feel sick to your stomach with doubt or full to the brim with desire, passion and hope. You feel jealousy, hate and envy to anyone who intervenes. You want nothing more than to be there, but you beat yourself up thinking you would make a fool of yourself. You cower at taking such a leap of faith, but that’s why it’s called a “leap of faith” and not a “short, easy step of faith”, isn’t it? You dream so big, you think of the future, you make plans and you find yourself lost in thought over it. Then some miniscule, insignificant detail comes into the little world you’ve built up and threatens to topple your built up dreams over. You look that detail square in the face, and tell it to fuck off, because the only other option is failure. Extremes, they go hand-in-hand with dreams.
I once had a dream that I was falling asleep and couldn’t wake up. I got a phone call from my mother, telling me that she had a terrible dream. She asked if I was driving that day, and when I told her yes, she told me to be careful. It shook me, and I couldn’t get rid of the feeling that I was going to die in an automobile accident. The dream was over, but the feeling never left. Somewhere in the back of my mind, whenever that car veers into my lane or that truck slams on the brakes just a little too hard, somewhere I’m thinking “this is it, this was that dream”. I will be mulling the if’s/how’s/why’s/where’s and when’s until the day I die, and that’s a terrible feeling. I never let it get the best of me, but still, there it is, writhing in the back of my mind, hidden behind other terrible things, waiting for it’s chance to say “now?”. No, not now, maybe tomorrow.
I take pause as the light moves across the leathery surface, diving infinite depths into the micro-chasms. As it moves across the textured plains I find myself lost in the moment, dreaming of a world within a world. In a brief instant, I’ve spent my life there and begin to question this world. Just as it began, the light passes over the surface and the moment, too, has passed. Shrouded in darkness I find myself already forgetting the place I used to love. We build these worlds up, creating these lives and detailing everything to be perfect, full well knowing that in a moment it will all be gone.